D&D sitcom: Catgirl and Lich

Sharess and Vecna, improbable room-mates.

'Vecna-kun, help me identify this magical artifact! I was playing with it, and it keeps screaming 'kill me, kiiiiiilll me!' What does it do?'

'Ha! Got your eye!'

'Vecna, Vecna! Your ex-boyfriend is at the door, and he seems really sorry! He even brought that cute sword you made for him! I bet he's come to apologize!'

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hexmeridian:

umzamo:

asofterbucky:

she had curves in all the right places, and all the left places, also, and in places forgotten by time, and in places known only by dwarven scholars

'Yes, genlath my dibeshgisek… Unleash your okirgedor upon my helpless mine!’ The sage stroked his beard thoughfully, pondering the translation. It would serve. It would serve.

… I intensely regret referring you to this.

Elven scholars are familiar with the existence of these places, but not the specifics. This is largely because the lore of curves is alien to their minds. It is so foreign, in fact, that elves who become enraptured by this lore usually lose their elfhood within the space of 1d6+1 months. They become mortal, and lose all aspects of elvenkind aside from appearance. The edge of their otherworldliness fades, leaving them a human with pointy ears, rather than an elf.

Humans and dwarves have both tried to weaponize this weakness. Attempts thus far have been unsuccessful, deflected by the elven racial solidarity in times of strife.

This was posted 1 week ago. It has 13,785 notes.

asofterbucky:

she had curves in all the right places, and all the left places, also, and in places forgotten by time, and in places known only by dwarven scholars

'Yes, genlath my dibeshgisek… Unleash your okirgedor upon my helpless mine!’ The sage stroked his beard thoughfully, pondering the translation. It would serve. It would serve.

(via hexmeridian)

This was posted 1 week ago. It has 13,785 notes.
So, I finally got off my butt and did an electronic map of the Gemstone Towers campuses. Yes, I know, there’s only one map. Technically, this is the map of the Illian campus. But the Towers exist in two places at once, and there’s a great deal of overlap involved on campus. Flip this map horizontally, and you’ve basically got the Hatalom campus.
The Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire and Diamond Towers are, I hope, obvious. The animal named buildings are the various dormitories, one for each year. So the 736th class is in Roc House, and stay there for all seven of their years. The advantage over, say, Hogwart’s Houses, is that you actually have peers associating, rather than being set against each other. The downside is that the more senior students can’t mentor their juniors. Of course, that can be addressed in other ways…

So, I finally got off my butt and did an electronic map of the Gemstone Towers campuses. Yes, I know, there’s only one map. Technically, this is the map of the Illian campus. But the Towers exist in two places at once, and there’s a great deal of overlap involved on campus. Flip this map horizontally, and you’ve basically got the Hatalom campus.

The Ruby, Emerald, Sapphire and Diamond Towers are, I hope, obvious. The animal named buildings are the various dormitories, one for each year. So the 736th class is in Roc House, and stay there for all seven of their years. The advantage over, say, Hogwart’s Houses, is that you actually have peers associating, rather than being set against each other. The downside is that the more senior students can’t mentor their juniors. Of course, that can be addressed in other ways…

This was posted 2 weeks ago. It has 2 notes. .

Tabletop Game Today

sunspotpony:

hexmeridian:

So, Sarah Kerrigan, Gordon Freeman, River Tam, The Boss from Saints Row, Samus Aran, and Honor Harrington all walk into a giant building that’s been invaded by aliens, and use explosions, psionics, really big guns and witty snarky taunting to save the world. 

This is the greatest AU crossover sci fi game ever. betabites is a mad genius like that. 

The final boss was slain by fire damage caused by ignited self-warming lubricant.

"In the news today, the Grand Poobah of London, future fiance of the Queen of England, was killed today when his recently erected tower was stormed by criminals and rebels. The Grand Poobah is survived by his father, the Most Virile Exarch of Megacity One, his pet cyberdog Sexual Tyrannasarus, and terabytes of porn, which will be distributed to mourners on a first come, first serve basis."

(Extro music)

This was posted 1 month ago. It has 7 notes.

Woo, new RPG demotivational posters! Get them while they’re hot!

(Gaige art by OldWillowJP. Korra art by KYHU.)

This was posted 1 month ago. It has 4 notes.

Let the record show…

…that the first deployment of Divine Wrath was against spiders.

This was posted 2 months ago. It has 4 notes.

Titles for Adventurers

At some point, player-characters will end up at a fancy shindig. Those of high station and good taste will have brought their own titles (Baroness Hangtree, Knight of the Bloody Chalice, Andromache of the Benechus family). But what about the lower-ranking scum that nevertheless show up? Sure, you can refer to them by their deeds or epithets (Casa the Shadowless, Rafe the Demon Slayer), but that’s a trifle unwieldy.

My idea is, lacking another title, adventurers can be address as ‘Yourself/His-self/Herself/Theirself.’ Rather than a title, they are accorded respect solely through the power they have amassed.

This was posted 2 months ago. It has 0 notes.
Doctor John Zoidberg expresses my problem with many fantasy settings.
This is most readily discernible with a simple test: is there a god/goddess/deity/cosmic slug of marriage and/or fertility? Note: beauty and love do not, by themselves, fulfill this criteria. It’s really astonishing how many pantheons fail out at this point.
Do you know how deep you have to go into the Greyhawk pantheon to find one? Well, have you ever heard of Berei or Merikka? How about Sheela Peryroyl or Luthic? Because that’s how far down the rabbit hole you need to go.
Faerun actually does decently here, with Chauntea, if not foregrounded, at least mentioned on a regular basis.
But actually having gods that are important to non-adventurers is only part of it. The other thing that I’ve found really brings fantasy religions to life, is, oddly enough, heresy. Heresy is an excellent sign that you have theology complex enough that people can disagree about it. Though ‘complex’ may be the wrong word for it. Rather, that there’s enough room for differing opinions on how the deity should be worshiped, or what they have control over, or even who they are.
In addition to heresies, there are various sects, other interpretations that aren’t in conflict with the faith at large, but still aren’t baseline. One of my favorite parts of Faerunian lore was that Shar (evil goddess of darkness, loss, and secrets) had a neutral order of priestesses that went around using modify memory to help people suffering from PTSD.
The spanner in the works, as usual, is magic. Commune and other spells that allow direct communication with deities are problematic. There are a variety of ways to deal with it: go nuclear and get rid of those spells, make those spells contact an aspect of the deity that the caster prays to, make deities somewhat nebulous in what they actually are, and so on.

Doctor John Zoidberg expresses my problem with many fantasy settings.

This is most readily discernible with a simple test: is there a god/goddess/deity/cosmic slug of marriage and/or fertility? Note: beauty and love do not, by themselves, fulfill this criteria. It’s really astonishing how many pantheons fail out at this point.

Do you know how deep you have to go into the Greyhawk pantheon to find one? Well, have you ever heard of Berei or Merikka? How about Sheela Peryroyl or Luthic? Because that’s how far down the rabbit hole you need to go.

Faerun actually does decently here, with Chauntea, if not foregrounded, at least mentioned on a regular basis.

But actually having gods that are important to non-adventurers is only part of it. The other thing that I’ve found really brings fantasy religions to life, is, oddly enough, heresy. Heresy is an excellent sign that you have theology complex enough that people can disagree about it. Though ‘complex’ may be the wrong word for it. Rather, that there’s enough room for differing opinions on how the deity should be worshiped, or what they have control over, or even who they are.

In addition to heresies, there are various sects, other interpretations that aren’t in conflict with the faith at large, but still aren’t baseline. One of my favorite parts of Faerunian lore was that Shar (evil goddess of darkness, loss, and secrets) had a neutral order of priestesses that went around using modify memory to help people suffering from PTSD.

The spanner in the works, as usual, is magic. Commune and other spells that allow direct communication with deities are problematic. There are a variety of ways to deal with it: go nuclear and get rid of those spells, make those spells contact an aspect of the deity that the caster prays to, make deities somewhat nebulous in what they actually are, and so on.

This was posted 2 months ago. It has 6 notes. .

The Savage Tide Protagonists

Still running the Savage Tide for myself, but figured I may as well get around to posting the character briefs. These are what I started with; they kinda got out of control later.

Callista: NG f tiefling (human) Conjurer 1; S 12 D 17 Cn 12 I 19 W 14 Ch 16; Arcana 4, Bluff 4, Concentration 4, Diplomacy 2, Planar 4, Spellcraft 4, Stealth 2; Augment Summoning, Cloudy Conjuration, Spell Focus (Conjuration); Domain Granted Power (Summoner), Focused Specialist, Rapid Summoning; Spellbook: 1st: alarm, benign transposition, lesser orb of acid, mage armor, summon monster I, unseen servant, wall of smoke; Abyssal, Celestial, Common, Draconic, Gnomish, Infernal; Patron: Baravar Cloakshadow.

A dark-haired beauty; hair is worn up, tied with a sun-yellow ribbon; sinfully voluptuous figure, with only a passing obedience to physical laws. In the heat and humidity of Sasserine, wears a pale green sundress, cinched high at the waist with a blue sash. Thin belt on hips with smallsword, quiver of darts and grimoire. Her tiefling heritage is only apparent in the scars on her back, which delineate bat wings over her shoulder blades. Dark eyes.

She believes it is better to turn evil upon itself than to sacrifice good to destroy evil. Unconsciously, she judges people by their heritage, as she considers herself to be born of evil, and therefore more worthy of being sacrificed than ‘good’ people. Her gnomish upbringing have given her a rather mischievous outlook, a sympathy for the little guy, and a desire to deflate the pompous.

Born to an alu-fiend cultist, Callista was rescued from her parents by an adventuring party. She was raised by an associate of the party, one Augustus Mask, a gnomish illusionist of some skill. Several years ago, Mask and his family survived the destruction of the city of Old Cauldron. During the escape from the monsters and volcano, Callista acquired a taste for adventure. To that end, she travelled to Sasserine, serving as a caravan guard. For a first time guard, she distinguished herself, rescuing a pack animal who fell into a steep gorge and helping to fend off an attack by bullywugs.

Dislikes: the color red, snakes for their shape, and overly elaborate clothing and customs.


Rafe: CG m air gensai (half-elf) Cleric of Shaundakul 1; S 16 D 17 Cn 14 I 14 W 17 Ch 12; Athletics 4, Observation 4, Planar 2, Religion 2, Stealth 4, Survival 4; Lightning Reflexes, Skill Focus (Stealth), Weapon Focus (Greatsword); Domains: Air, Portal; Abyssal, Auran, Celestial, Common, Elven.

An interesting contrast between his youthful features and pure white hair and beard. Wears a suit of brigantine, checkered blue and light blue on the torso and vambraces, with dark leather pauldrons and trim. Sling for greatsword over back. Holy symbol amulet, kept wrapped around right wrist. Dark blue bandana keeps his hair out of his face, when he isn’t wearing a helm. Gray eyes.

Thrilled by discovery and danger, in that order. By adventuring standards, a bit of a coward, which makes him pause when others might just charge right in. Very possessive of his friends, since he has so few. Has very little patience for the niceties of law and order; he won’t flaunt the law, but he will circumvent it to help someone or pursue what he sees as obvious justice.

A foundling left on the threshold of the inn room of a priestess of Shaundakul, Rafe was raised on the road by a somewhat reluctant foster mother. This year, on the high holiday of Shaundakul, Rafe and his mother were blown in different directions by the wind, with Rafe finding himself in just outside Sasserine at dusk. Mistaken for a ranger they’d hired, the Sasserine wallguard had him track down a band of zombies that had been attacking local plantations. Though Rafe was not in the thick of the fighting, he did manage to protect the unit’s cleric from a flank attack. Unfortunately, since he wasn’t the ranger they hired, his pay is currently in dispute…

Dislikes: maces, dogs for their territorial nature and sloppiness.

This was posted 3 months ago. It has 1 note.